I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
