Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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