Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
