Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
