she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
