My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
