I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
