I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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