dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize