i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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