...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize