Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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