Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
