i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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