I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
