Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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