your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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