I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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