You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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