My sheets look like a crime scene.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
