Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
