I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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