Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
