You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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