How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
