It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
