Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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