Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
