I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
