I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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