the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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