your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
