I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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