The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
