Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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