Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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