the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
