i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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