Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
