4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
