i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
