During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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