Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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