So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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