The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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