I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
