Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
