what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
