So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sober January is a disaster.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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