Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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