Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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