How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
