A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
