BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
