roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
