I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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