he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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