Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
