omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
