It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
