He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
