Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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