Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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