sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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