It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
