Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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