i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
