but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
