Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
