Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
