the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
