So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
