I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
