the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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