You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
